Am I the problem? — spotlight of attention recursive loop

You ever lie in bed dreading some presentation you've got the next morning, so much that you feel it in your gut?

That used to be me. And I've figured now as a parent why that's the case, and it's not the answer that you'd expect it to be.

The next time you're in public and there's a child causing a scene, not your own child, someone else's, pay attention to what you're paying attention to. It's not on the child. It's on the parents. Because as a parent we're curious to know how is this parent going to react? It's quite entertaining if you think about it.

Now flip it around. If it's my own child causing a scene, I realised that it's other parents that have their attention on me. And because I'm not comfortable with that spotlight of attention, under the guise of security or manners, I actively try to avoid this sort of situation, when the reality is we're just trying to get the attention off ourselves.

And that's why I am who I am, because I've never been comfortable with a spotlight of attention being on me. And until I face that, my child may eventually be the same.

The only way to break this loop is to be comfortable with the spotlight of attention being on me. Which is one of the reasons why I'm shooting this video — because I'm still trying to break that loop.